


Faithless

by schemingreader



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-14
Updated: 2010-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:38:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schemingreader/pseuds/schemingreader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can you find a friend more faithful than a brother?</p><p>"I never meant for you to be harmed, Severus, and I am very sorry about what happened." He didn't even beg for his forgiveness, because he knew he wouldn't get it. Snape wouldn't look at him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faithless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aillil](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=aillil).



> This was originally posted July 25, 2006 for the Reversathon of that year.

  
Oh best beloved Muggleworthy Excuse, I have endeavored to fulfill your every fan-fiction oriented desire. As always the spirit is willing where the flesh is weak.

**Author:** Alphonsia Thang ([](http://schemingreader.livejournal.com/profile)[**schemingreader**](http://schemingreader.livejournal.com/))  
**Title:** Faithless  
**Pairing/Character:** Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, Regulus Black  
**Recipient :** Muggleworthy Excuse Participant 93--([](http://aillil.livejournal.com/profile)[**aillil**](http://aillil.livejournal.com/))  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Warnings:** Teenaged boys crying, with snot. Explicit description of sexual activity between sixteen-year-old male characters, including rimming.  
**Summary:** Can you find a friend more faithful than a brother?  
**Notes:** Three groovy sisters checked my _rhymes_, I will reveal their names in the fullness of _time_, they were beta readers and Brit-pickers _sublime_, any further errors I acknowledge as _mine_. Joanne Rowling wrote this phat _book_, I'm giving her characters a second or third _look_, I won't make a profit and I'm not a _crook_, so please don't sue me and be a big _schnook_. I do not know if I have passed the _test_, to do my duty I have done my _best_, fulfilling the dear recipient's _request_, scroll to the bottom to read her_behest_.

_   
**"Faithless"--for Muggleworthy Excuse**   
_

  
**Faithless**

By

Ms. Alphonsia Thang

Lay your sleeping head, my love,  
Human on my faithless arm;  
Time and fevers burn away  
Individual beauty from  
Thougtful children, and the grave  
Proves the child ephemeral:  
But in my arms till break of day  
Let the living creature lie,  
Mortal, guilty, but to me  
The entirely beautiful.

(W. H. Auden, _Lullaby_)

  
Remus Lupin was not allowed to get angry. It was a rule he had made for himself when he was six years old. His anger frightened his parents too much. They were always worried that he would begin to show wolfish traits during the rest of the month. His family wasn't one to show a lot of emotion--stiff upper lip and all that.

Now he didn't know where he could go with his feelings of rage and betrayal. He had woken in the Hogwarts infirmary with a vague memory of chasing a boy down the long tunnel from the Shrieking Shack. Sirius, who had told him they would always be brothers, who had this whole crazy idea about them being like a wolf pack, had told Severus Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow.

Last month, Sirius had kissed him, silently, in the shower after he had masturbated Remus to orgasm under the water.

This month, Sirius had told Snape how to find him when he was the wolf.

Sirius, whom he thought might be-- might be-- well, bent, like Remus, and maybe--liked Remus. Sirius, who was so beautiful -- not handsome, beautiful, with his careless elegance, economy of gesture -- Remus shouldn't love him, anyway, because Remus was a monster.

How could he have believed that someone like Sirius, who had everything, who made everything seem so easy, would understand the experience of being squeezed in a vice, of being broken and re-broken and re-broken? He couldn't possibly, not even after watching Remus transform. When Sirius took his Animagus form, it was like watching a river, an elegant boy flowing into an elegant black dog. Sirius had always made Remus think of Byron, of "she walks in beauty, like the night."

It was stupidity to trust any of them, James and Peter too. They weren't the ones who would infect or even eat someone if he got loose.

They didn't know how hard he had to struggle with what lycanthropy did to his mind. Most people didn't realize that werewolves forgot their transformation times because lycanthropy made them forget; it made them take irresponsible risks. It was the curse trying to propagate itself. Remus worked hard to compensate, had calendars everywhere. He had been delighted that his friends were going to help him remember and stay safe.

But they didn't understand. He remembered all the class assignments, everyone's birthdays, long spells and song lyrics. They didn't really believe him when he said he forgot about the full moon. They couldn't know what it was like, fearing that he would suddenly find himself transforming because his curse had made him forget that he was cursed.

He tried to write a letter to Severus Snape. He drafted it six times and finally sent him a one line note: "I never meant for you to be harmed, Severus, and I am very sorry about what happened." He didn't even beg for his forgiveness, because he knew he wouldn't get it. Snape wouldn't look at him.

Then Remus withdrew from everyone. He went to class with the others, but didn't speak in the halls or answer questions. He didn't study with anyone else in the Common Room, but found a corner of the library where he could read alone. His grades slipped; he was no longer at the top of the class with James and Sirius. He was too tired to care.

At night he charmed the curtains of his four-poster bed shut. He took baths in the Prefect's Bathroom when no one else would be there. At meals he kept a book in front of him.

He couldn't say, "Don't come with me on the full moon." He needed them. In particular he needed Sirius, to whom the wolf felt a kinship.

He just couldn't talk to Sirius right now. He greeted people hoarsely and smiled reflexively. His throat kept closing. It was hard to eat. It was hard to make a sound.

* * *

"What the hell is wrong with Remus?" Lily hissed at Sirius on one of the few nights that Remus stayed in the Common Room. She didn't know that Remus could hear her. Remus, buried behind a stack of books, was proud of the way he didn't give himself away with even a twitch.

"He looks terrible."

Sirius didn't answer for a moment. Then he pushed his fringe out of his eyes. "He's been a bit... under the weather."

"Come off it, Black, he's always a bit peaky. There's something really wrong with him now, though. He doesn't focus in class, and you have to say hello to him two or three times before he responds."

"I don't know, Evans. He hasn't spoken with me about it." This was the strict truth. Remus hadn't spoken to Sirius at all since the incident in the Shack.

"You don't look so good, yourself," Lily said.

"Oh, ta, Lils, ta ever so," Sirius said. The sarcasm was weak.

Sirius spent every early evening, after his detention, roaming the woods in the form of a big black dog. Remus knew this. He just hadn't realized that anyone else knew how miserable they both were. Or that Lily would take his part.

Everything was slowed down, like swimming through treacle.

* * *

Regulus Black was passing in the corridor when Remus got to the dungeons for Potions. Remus dreaded Potions, a class that Gryffindor shared with Slytherin. He didn't want to see Snape at all. After years of failing to intervene when James and Sirius bullied him, he had nearly become friends with Snape as they worked together in this class. Nearly--until the prank, their relationship was characterized by pleasant civility. Now that was over. Most people didn't want to befriend a monster.

So he didn't look at Snape, because the disgust on the other boy's face was overwhelming. He didn't look at his friends, because they weren't really his friends. He didn't look at anyone. He could barely breathe in the dungeons anyway; they gave him horrible claustrophobia.

There was a hand on his arm: a boy's hand, with an elegant wrist and long fingers.

"Lupin," Regulus drawled.

"Ah, Regulus, hello there," Remus said hoarsely. It seemed like he was always hoarse, these days. "Aren't you going to be late for class?"

Remus' private nickname for Regulus was "the pale imitation." Sirius' brother had the same coloring as his cousin Narcissa: blond where Sirius was dark. His eyes were a clear blue. He affected languid ease and nonchalance, but his gestures were just a little--practiced. Remus only noticed because he knew Sirius so well.

That is, he had thought he knew Sirius so well.

Remus had long maintained a cordially distant relationship with Sirius' brother. He refused to participate in the inter-house feuds. On some level he assumed that Sirius and Regulus went back to their normal brotherly relations during school holidays. Older brother and pest, he figured, but nothing as hostile as the cold snubs they delivered to one another at school.

"Lupin, I'd like you to take a message to my brother," Regulus said.

"Why don't you talk to him yourself, he's just over there," Remus responded.

Indeed, Sirius was making his way through the hall to Potions and he had clearly seen that Regulus was talking to Remus. He looked angry.

"Come talk to your brother, Sirius, I have to get to class," Remus said. It was the first sentence he'd spoken to Sirius in two weeks. He turned to go. Regulus still had his hand on Remus' arm. Remus took his hand off, and gently shook it. "Goodbye then," he said, smiling politely.

Remus didn't have to turn around to know that Sirius was snarling at Regulus. They were so odd in that family. Remus would have done anything to have a brother. What a waste to get all hung up on house rivalry.

Snape passed him, giving him a wide berth, and Remus' heart sank. The smile he had pasted on for Regulus nauseated him.

* * *

Regulus was waiting for Remus again, this time right outside the Great Hall after dinner. He grabbed Remus' arm as he was about to pass, again with Sirius only steps away.

"Ah, Lupin," he said, smiling sweetly. "Professor Flitwick gave me your name on a list of older students who might help me with Charms."

This really had the ring of an excuse, a pretext under which Regulus was taking him by the arm away from Sirius. Though a year younger, Regulus had the Black family height. He had to bend his head slightly to speak in a low voice in Remus' ear.

Remus tried to extricate himself without seeming to shake the younger boy off. "Why don't you ask someone from your own house," he said gently, "or your brother, who excels in Charms?"

"There weren't any Slytherins on Flitwick's list," Regulus said, "and if you haven't noticed, my brother and I aren't on the best of terms."

"That's your choice, both of you. I can't condone it."

"Please, Lupin," Regulus said. There was only a slight sparkle of mischief in his wide, innocent blue eyes; for the most part he seemed to be sincere. "I know you know your Charms."

_I know you know your **own** charms, Regulus,_ Remus commented to himself sardonically. Something was up. "All right then," he agreed, "how do you want me to help you?"

"I want to try whatever it is that you do with Sirius," Regulus said. "You study together a lot, right?"

"I can meet you in the library," Remus suggested. "We don't do anything exciting, just drilling with index cards and vocabulary lists."

"That would be so helpful," Regulus said, flashing him the Black family grin. Remus shuddered involuntarily. "But what would really be best for me is if I could practice casting with you in the Charms classroom."

Sirius had turned to look at them, his brows knit thunderously over his grey eyes. _You don't own me,_ Remus thought. _ I'm not your weapon_. Then he felt ashamed, because the thought was so overpowering that he had nearly screamed it. Nearly. The sudden surge of anger made him feel drained.

"All right," Remus agreed without enthusiasm. "Do you want to meet me this evening?"

"Yes, oh, that would be so kind of you, Lupin," Regulus said. "Shall we say 8:30?"

"That's fine," Remus said. He felt a bit listless. At least this would be something he could do without his friends.

* * *

When he got back to the Tower to get his books and notes, Remus could hear a dog whining in the loo.

"Sirius?" James said.

_I'm not getting involved_, Remus thought, _they can't expect that I would._  
But he felt guilty nonetheless. It wasn't until he was back at the staircase that he realized he'd forgotten to take the Map with him.

Well, Snape would have to avoid Remus for a change. Remus was the monster, after all. Yes, it hurt to have the other boy afraid of him, but he should be afraid. Everyone should.

* * *

When he got down to the Charms classroom, he half expected to be ambushed or pranked by a group of Slytherins, not that he cared one way or the other, but no. It was just Regulus, looking lost and much younger than fifteen for a moment. That is, until he spotted Remus, and then his face returned to its usual expression.

Why anyone would pretend to be calculating when he was actually naïve and eager, Remus didn't know. He wondered what his own face showed, in repose. As if it mattered.

"All right, Regulus?" Remus said harshly.

"Oh, hello, I didn't see you there," Regulus said. "I'd like to see your notes and index cards. You know, how you laid them out."

Remus walked to the desk where Regulus stood and started taking study materials out of his book bag. Regulus was standing very close to him, indeed. He was practically breathing on Remus' neck.

No, he was intentionally breathing on Remus' neck.

"What are you doing, Regulus?" Remus said softly. It was clear what he was doing. There was a window in the classroom, and because it was dark outside, he could see their reflection. He stood still as Regulus reached down to touch his shoulders. He bent his head to Remus' cheek and kissed his face.

Then he turned Remus' face to his with two fingers on his jaw, and kissed him on the mouth. In the window's dark image, Regulus' light hair had a halo, like an angel's. He reached between them to rub the hard protuberance in the front of Remus' trousers.

"Don't," Remus said. He pushed the other boy away.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you liked boys," Regulus said with a forced social laugh.

"Why would you think so?" Remus asked.

"I don't know, you just seemed... receptive," Regulus said smiling. He hadn't moved away. Remus was hard, and his heart was pounding. He didn't want Regulus, not really, but he was there and he was beautiful. Those shapely lips would feel so good around his cock. He wanted revenge on Sirius, but he didn't want anyone to touch him or get close to him. The rapidity of his pulse owed as much to sudden blind terror as to arousal.

"Well, you thought wrong," Remus said. "Whatever you are doing, I'm sure it has nothing to do with me."

"But I think I could like you," Regulus said. His expression was unreadable. "I want to try this, and you would be kind to me, I think."

The door to the classroom banged open and Sirius was upon them, looking murderous. He only had eyes for his brother, who looked smug. "What are you doing?" he ground out in a whisper. "Why are you making up to my friends?"

"Oh, is this your _friend_? Is it like Bella says, 'Muggleborns are good for practice?'"

"He's not a Muggleborn, you cunt."

"Of course I am, Black, or at least half. My mum's a Muggle." Remus said.

"I thought you weren't speaking to me, Sirius," Regulus taunted.

Remus said, "I'm clearly not needed here, so you can get back to your previously scheduled sibling rivalry."

Sirius didn't look at him. "You don't understand, Remus," he said.

"Right," Remus said. "I know that."

"I could explain things to him, though," Regulus said.

"You bloody well will not, Reg, you little _shit_," Sirius growled.

"I don't owe you anything anymore," Regulus said, "You're not even my brother anymore."

Unbelievably, Sirius began to cry. His sobs were noisy and painful. "Get out of here," he said. "Get the hell out."

Remus began to pack up his books; he wasn't going to stay for this. Regulus stood still, his face a blank.

"You ran away, they disowned you. Now I'm the heir of the House of Black. Mother said you aren't going to ever be the wizard I am. I am the heir to the Black family magical tradition, not you."

Sirius was still crying, not yelling back, which was incredible. Regulus was advancing on him, still speaking. "You're a failure, you have really failed as a wizard," he said, "You know they are right about that."

"How can you believe that shite, Pads," Remus whispered. He was frozen to the spot. Then he moved, fast, between the two brothers.

"I don't know what the hell this is about, Regulus, but I think you can forget about studying tonight. Go back to your dorm."

"Do you really believe everything they say?" Sirius burst out. "Everything?"

"You're only saying that because you know they're right," Regulus said.

"That's enough, Reg," Remus said. "I don't know what goes on at your parents' house, but no one is a failure at sixteen, that's just stupid. Go home, go back to your dorm-- get out of here. I don't suppose you were really interested in studying Charms."

"No, I wanted to see what had Snape so smitten that he was mooning all over the place," Regulus said.

"Snape?" Remus said incredulously. "You must be mistaken."

Sirius was very red.

"Oh, Sirius didn't tell you that, either? On the train back last hols I picked up a scrap of parchment that Snape dropped. He'd written your name all over it. With little stars and symbols, you know. Sirius saw it, didn't you?"

"Oh shut up about Snape," Sirius muttered.

"As it was just before Sirius's final break with my parents, I can well understand that he might have forgotten about it."

Remus knew there was something wrong with this picture.

"Reg," he said with the authority of a school prefect, "see you later. Go back to Slytherin House. Now. Goodbye." Regulus was smiling as he backed out of the room. Perhaps he'd had what he wanted, whatever that was.

Remus turned. In the window, he could see Sirius, hunched over the desk. His hair, grown long in the last few months, covered his face.

"Do James and Peter know about this?" Remus asked.

"No."

"Why not? Are you really disowned, will they not take you back?"

"You heard my brother. Former brother, whatever he is now. I'm a failure and a traitor to the noble house of Black."

"Where are you going to live, Pads?"

Sirius started to cry again. "You called me Pads. Oh God, oh God, Remus, I'm so sorry, I'm such a shit."

"Yes, you really are," Remus said, smiling grimly. Sirius sobbed for a few minutes.

"This is the biggest fuck up of my entire life," Sirius sniffled. "You won't even get angry with me. You're so cold."

"What good would it do, Sirius?" Remus said wearily. "I just don't know what to think." But finally, tentatively, he put his hand on the other boy's shoulder. Sirius relaxed into the touch.

"What can I do to fix things, Remus?" Sirius mumbled. "I wish you would just yell at me and call me names. I don't see how you can forgive me."

"I don't see how yelling is going to make me forgive you. You need to tell James that you don't have a place to live at the end of term, so that he can tell his parents. You can't hide in the loo in dog form whining and moaning."

"No, I suppose not," Sirius said. "I'm queer, you know, Remus."

"Yes, I know."

"I mean, really queer. Like, not just wanting sex with other blokes for a laugh or something. I'm falling-in-love with another man sort of queer."

"Ah."

"What does that mean, 'ah'?"

"I'd be a great deal more worried if I were actually a man," Remus' mouth gave a bitter twist. "But as I'm not I think I'm fairly safe."

"God. I suppose I deserve that."

"I mean it, Sirius. I'm not a human being. I'm a magical creature. If I had--well -- harmed Snape in that tunnel, the Ministry would have had to put me down. I carry an infectious disease that makes me capable of killing people against my will. I am a disgusting, loathsome _thing_." He was pounding on the desk for emphasis. "If I infected someone with this I couldn't live with myself. If I killed someone when I was not in my right mind, I couldn't live with myself. Already I can barely live with myself, Sirius."

Sirius was crying again.

"Do you know I've never seen you cry before, Black? For God's sake use a handkerchief, you're a sniveling mess."

"I love you, Remus."

"Shut up, you ass!" Remus was finally raising his voice. "Shut up! Shut up! You don't know anything about it!"

"You are such a good person, I don't deserve you."

"I'm not a person at all!" Remus screamed finally. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I didn't mean it, it was a mistake!"

Remus shook him by the shoulders. "I could have killed that poor bastard!"

"He deserves it."

Remus let go of Sirius' shoulders. Leaving everything where it was, he walked out of the room. He had to get out, get out of the castle, all the way out.

* * *

He was outside by the lake and the dark was clear and quiet. He could see stars. The moon wasn't up yet.

Someone was coming toward him on a broom.

"James," Remus said as he got closer, "You tosser."

James landed next to him. "Where's Sirius?" he asked breathlessly.

"How should I know?"

"He saw you on the Map, with Regulus."

"There's something good I could say here about brothers' keepers," Remus said.

"What?" James said.

"I really don't think Biblical references should be considered 'something Muggle,' Potter," Remus drawled in an imitation of the latest Defence professor. "Every educated person in Britain..."

"You're talking again," James commented. "That's good."

"James, did you know that Sirius' family disowned him?"

James messed his own hair reflexively and then looked at Remus like a wide-eyed baby chick. "What?"

"I mean he has no where to go at the end of term because he can't go home. Either he ran away and they disowned him, or they disowned him and he ran away, something like that."

"Shit!" James looked serious. "He can stay with me."

"I thought you'd say that."

"Why didn't he tell me? Oh he's feeling guilty, eh."

Remus looked at the ground.

"Listen, Lupin, what happened at the Shack was not your fault. I know it must have scared the piss out of you."

"Yeah," Remus said under his breath.

"It was just an accident, you know? I've been thinking. Lots of people have secrets and their friends blurt them out like that. It's just that your secret is a bit more dangerous, right? But no one got hurt—no harm done."

James put his arm around Remus, who began to cry.

"That's all right," James said kindly. He held out a handkerchief to Remus, which he couldn't take from him for a few minutes because he was crying too hard. He was hiccupping, like a little kid. It would have been dead embarrassing if James hadn't also seen him turn into a werewolf, he thought, and a hysterical laugh bubbled up between the sobs.

"It isn't though," Remus muttered, after he had pulled himself together. "I trusted Sirius."

"Well, you just told me something he wanted to keep secret, right?"

"But that's different, he didn't think about the consequences," Remus said with some heat.

"True," James said thoughtfully, "but it's not as though we're mature adults. Kids make mistakes."

"I wish everything about me didn't have to be so life and death all the time," Remus said. "I wish I could just be a normal person."

"You are a normal person," James said, "You just have a furry little problem to deal with once a month."

Remus laughed excessively. What a relief it was to talk to James, even when he was being an idiot.

"Wow, that's loads better," James said. "Can I give you a lift back to the castle?"

"No, I want some more time to think," Remus said. "I'll be back up in the Tower in about an hour, by the end of curfew."

"All right. I'm going to go write an owl to my parents so they know that Sirius is coming at the end of term." He kicked off.

It was cold and Remus wrapped his cloak around himself. After a few more steps, he heard the dog behind him, and stopped.

"Go away," he said, half-heartedly. But Padfoot sniffed his hand where it was hanging at his side, and nuzzled him. His other hand came forward of its own accord to pet the sleek head.

Soon he was sitting on the slope of a hillock with one arm around the dog, petting him. His tears, never really banished from the tight place in his throat, fell quietly on the dog's head. He buried his face in Padfoot's coat and smelled the dog smell.

It wasn't the first time that Sirius had become a dog to comfort him. It was almost like having his own dog, which of course being a werewolf he never had.

Padfoot panted patiently, his tongue hanging out, while Remus petted him and cried. When Remus was quiet, the dog turned and licked the tears off his face.

"Sirius," he said, "You know that if I had bitten or killed Snape that I would have wanted to die, right? It's not just the Ministry, I couldn't have lived with that."

The dog whined high in his throat.

"It doesn't really matter who it is, I would never want to make someone else—what I am. How could I live with myself if the monster in me killed someone?" But he felt calm about it, now; it hadn't happened. He was lucky.

His hand stopped on Sirius' head at mid-stroke. "This is a little weird, you know, but it's easier to talk to you when you're the dog. It's not just that you listen better."

Padfoot's muzzle stretched into a smile. Remus petted him some more.

"Maybe because the dog has never hurt me," he said absently, and suddenly his hands were petting Sirius' own black hair.

"Sorry, sorry, God," Sirius said, crying. "I was wrong, I didn't understand, please."

"Shh, shhh, shut up now," Remus said. He kissed Sirius' face and let his hands tangle in the hair. Sirius sighed.

"Everything is all confused now," Remus said. "I can't forgive you, but I still love you."

Sirius began kissing him with canine enthusiasm. "Yes, I love you too, I love you too," he murmured.

"Stop being so dramatic, Pads, you're being ridiculous," Remus laughed. "You're not going to like this, but I told James what your brother said."

Sirius went still.

"About my parents disowning me?"

"Yes. Were you really not going to tell him? "

"I didn't want anyone to know. It's embarrassing."

"Oh, you _are_ an idiot. We knew your family was mental. Everyone in school knows that."

"They do?"

"Who else even cares what house their children are sorted into? Completely stupid."

"It is not stupid!" Sirius drew himself up defensively, "They were right that I would change in Gryffindor."

"Why are you even defending them?" Remus said. "They don't deserve it. Anyway you haven't changed."

Sirius looked ready to argue, and then relaxed.

"All right, Pads?"

"Yeah, I guess I am, Moony."

* * *

Though he felt better, Remus didn't snap out of his funk in the next week. He was still quieter than normal, and he was never especially outgoing at the best of times. He was sitting in the common room revising in the big wing chair when Lily Evans came to put her arm around his shoulders.

"Hullo, Lils," he said sheepishly. He hoped she and James hadn't talked about him.

"We haven't done any Potions together in a bit, Remus," she said. "D'you want to revise the section on deflating draughts?"

Remus sagged inwardly. He had made plans with Snape to revise that, before that last disastrous full moon. They had never studied together and Remus had been happy that Snape was willing to make a time to go over the material with him. Since Snape wouldn't even greet him it was a moot point now.

"Yes, that would be brilliant, thank you, Lily," he said dutifully.

She smiled at him encouragingly. She was a very pretty girl. He didn't always notice it. Revising with her was a little difficult for him, because she understood Potions so instinctively. He supposed that Snape was the same. She was kinder, though.

That night he dreamed that Lily was correcting Snape's Potions notes with a quill. "It's Remus J. Lupin, _Werewolf_, Severus. Remus J. Lupin, _Werewolf_." She added the word "werewolf" again and again, until the page swam in ink.

* * *

Finding time to be alone with Sirius had never been easy. When they were younger, it was Remus who always wished he could spend time with each of his friends, alone, and they always wanted to be a gang. Sometimes he would take a walk with Sirius. Sirius was good at the kind of quiet, joking conversation that Remus liked.

Then after Sirius had wanted to mess about with Remus, it suddenly seemed easier for them to be alone together. Remus would try to avoid him, and somehow there were all these quiet afternoons in the dormitory, or times when no one else was in the showers. At first it was only touching his prick or stroking his body, but then Sirius had started kissing him.

Now Remus didn't know what to do. Kissing was something different. It was as different as Sirius admitting that he loved Remus. It was the week before the full moon, when somehow Remus' blood grew hot and sluggish and his eyes, heavy-lidded. He generally spent a lot of time in the last two days before the moon "napping"—engaged in marathon wank sessions behind the charmed curtains of his four-poster bed. Naturally it was during this period when Sirius found him and cornered him in the dorm. Naturally James was at Quidditch practice and Wormtail was on a study date in the library. Naturally.

"Pads, I don't think this is a good idea," Remus began. Sirius was on him, eager, like Padfoot. "I'm—Pads—Sirius—please!"

Sirius had him on his back and was looking down at Remus. Their bodies were pushed together.

"I don't know if I want this," Remus whispered. Then Sirius kissed him, and he shut his eyes, and let himself fall forward into their mouths where they met.

Sirius broke the kiss, and looked at Remus. "All right, if you don't want to, we don't have to," he said.

"Thank you," Remus said. Then he grabbed Sirius by his hair and pulled him down. Sirius gasped "Ah!" and Remus kissed him properly, with teeth. He grasped Sirius firmly by the buttocks and ground their erections against each other, through their trousers.

"Take off your clothes," Remus said. He grabbed his own shirt by the hem and pulled it off. "Trousers too, everything." As more of Sirius' skin was visible, Remus licked and bit it.

"Socks too, Pads. Now! Take them off." He himself had shed his trousers and pants; he was barefoot in the bed anyway.

Naked, Sirius began to rub and rut against him. Remus flipped so that they were head to foot. Sirius began to lick and suck at Remus' cock, but Remus grabbed one of Sirius' fine-boned, high-arched feet and sucked his big toe.

Sirius groaned around him, his mouth going slack. Remus fucked in and out of the wet, moaning mouth. He was not careful or gentle. Then he flipped his friend over and began licking up the insides of his calves. He nuzzled Sirius' inner knees, the insides of his thighs, his testicles.

He moved around Sirius again, so he was kneeling between his legs, and pulled him up so that he could get access to his buttocks. He began nipping at the backs of his thighs and biting him on the arse. Finally he buried his face in the cleft of Sirius' arse, sniffing and licking.

Sirius was making a lot of noise, grunts and groans, as Remus licked his arse. He called on gods and heroes in the manner of someone raised in an old-fashioned Pureblood household, and then resorted to monotheism, repeating "Remus, God, Remus!"

It felt right to lick him everywhere, because Remus was going to have him. "Do you know a lubrication spell, Sirius?" he asked from between his friend's cheeks. Sirius moaned, reached for his wand in his trouser pocket, and recited it.

Remus slid his index finger into his friend's anus.  
"I'm going to bugger you, now," he said to himself, and Sirius groaned and began to beg. "I've never done it before, have you, Pads?"

"No, no, but I want to, I want you to, please."

"It might hurt. I might hurt you. It's hard not to just--fuck you."

"Please, I don't care, I want you to."

He pulled out his finger and eased the head of his cock into the opening. He was able to go slow, just able, thinking, "You're mine now, mine" as he rested his pelvis flush against Sirius' muscular buttocks.

But it was Sirius who said, out loud, and dramatically, "Now I'm your _bitch_" which made them both gasp. Remus fucked in and out of him hard and fast, groaning, as he repeated it.

Remus began to mutter to himself, "so hot, so tight, so good" and heard Sirius cry out. His hand was flying over his cock and his semen spattered the blanket as Remus thrust into him. He buried himself as deep as he could go and came.

_I am kneeling on my bed at school, hot and red and drenched in sweat, with my prick shoved up my best friend's arse. What the hell do I do now? _ Remus thought. He pulled out slowly. Sirius collapsed, face down, on the bed, panting.

"That was brilliant," he said finally. He turned over so he could look Remus in the face. His cheeks were flushed, and his lips pouted. Even sweaty, he looked like a painting. He reached up and pulled Remus close.

"Are you all right Pads?"

"Yeah, of course. I told you, I'm bent."

"Oh yes, of course, if you're bent it doesn't hurt for your best friend to bugger you violently in your virgin arse."

Sirius grinned wickedly. "I didn't know you could talk like that, Moony."

"I hate that nickname, did you know that?"

"Sorry, Remus. I like it when you call me Pads."

"I know you do, love," Remus said. He was sleepy. "We have to get cleaned up. Sticky." But he fell asleep for a few minutes, his head resting against Sirius' pectorals and shoulder muscles. Sirius' armpits smelled good and familiar.

After awhile, Sirius woke him up. "Let's take a shower," he said.

"Yeah," Remus replied. He grabbed his bathrobe from the hook by his bed, and handed the other boy a towel to wrap around his waist.

No one was in the bathroom. Remus went to the loo first and pissed for what felt like an hour. He came into the showers and got under the tap and turned the water on, hot.

Sirius snuck up behind him, and he jumped.

"You still don't trust me, do you?"

"No, Pads, that part isn't ever going to be the same."

"But this part won't either," Sirius said, and kissed him.

* * *

Salty Dog Blues

([traditional](http://www.ibiblio.org/folkindex/s03.htm#Saldo)\--as sung by [Johnny Cash](http://www.lyricsdepot.com/johnny-cash/salty-dog.html))

Standing on the corner with the lowdown blues  
A great big hole in the bottom of my shoes  
Honey let me be your salty dog

Let me be your salty dog  
Or I won't be your little man at all  
Honey let me be your salty dog

**Author's Note:**

> Original fest request: Basic Remus/Sirius, marauders' era, can be post-Hogwarts, though, rating up to you. Regulus knows something about his brother that Sirius would like to keep from Remus, which Regulus uses to his own ends, because isn't his brother a delectable one? Alternate pairings that you'd be happy with for this scenario: Remus/Regulus, Sirius/Regulus.


End file.
